Hi I'm new. I've previously posted to the losteye.com forum but it wasn't a good website for me. Everyone there has literally lost an eye (surgically or accident) so even there everyone there was great, I didn't feel like I fit. My problem is a little different. Over a year ago I had retinal detachment and went through scleral buckle surgery to repair it. The surgery was successful and my sight was completely restored. Two months ago I got an infection in that same eye and had to have the scleral buckle removed (for those not familiar with the surgery, it's a silcone band that's placed around your eyeball while the retina heals). The infection was a very severe one, (psuedomonas bacteria) and the antibiotics they injected in my eye were also very severe. During surgery the antibiotic destroyed the blood vessels that fed the macula and I lost my central vision in that eye. It was nearly two weeks before anyone realized what had happened and I was told the vision loss was permanent. That was the worst day of my life. It's been nearly two months and I still haven't accepted it and made peace with it. I think part of the problem is that I only have peripheral vision so I see light and fuzzy images but I've lost my central, detail vision. You never think something like this will ever happen to you. I guess I'm writing to ask if anyone else has had partial vision loss in an eye and how they coped with it. I'm having a great deal of trouble 'seeing' well because the eye that was damamged was my dominant eye and my brain still wants to use it so the end result is really bad vision over the top of my good vision unless I close the bad eye. I know the solution would probably be to wear a patch or an opague contact but I'm just not ready to let go. It seems I'm never going to stop grieving. I'm an artist and have not had the heart to do any drawing since this happened. Sorry this is so long........
Brenda


While there are always people who tell you that it could be worse and that you should be grateful for the remaining vision---the fact is, your loss is real and your grief and anger are justifed.
Maybe you just need to give yourself "permission" to feel anger and grief for as long as it takes you to come to terms with what happened.
I think an eye patch would harm the remaining vision in the affected eye.
Does your eye doctor or the hospital where you had surgery know of anyone you can talk to about this or have a group, or anything else to help?
As an artist, it is understandable that your grief can have an element of "extra" pain.
Conversely, your being an artist may actually be an aid to acceptance--when you are through the grieving stages.
What I mean by this is, that your artistic knowledge of how perception and focal points can drastically change things, applying that knowledge to recognize how your inner view of things affects how you feel, might help you to heal.
If you just feel "stuck" in depression or despair, then, maybe a grief counselor or therapist could help.
Sorry if I sound like a therapist (I'm not one), but I'm just someone who is old enough to have had things occur which I could either choose to accept or choose to allow to make my days dreary. It isn't always easy to go with the former and it never happens as quickly as I'd like, either.
Though it isn't very fashionable to say anymore, I will say some prayers for you. Hopefully, you don't mind that.
Kathy


Hi Kathy,
Thank you for the thoughtful (and wise) reply to my post. You didn't say anything I probably didn't already know but it's always better to hear it from someone else. I also think you missed your calling.
The Eye Institute where I had my surgery is nearly four hours from me but I've often thought I should tell my surgeon that they need to supply counselling for patients that have lost sight, I doubt they do. I live too far away to utillize it anyway. I am seeing a therapist where I live and she said basically what you did..... this misfortune can either make me a better person or a bitter one, it's up to me. It makes me think of a quote that hangs on my wall by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: "There are no mistakes, no coincidences. All events are blessings given to us to learn from." Lately that's been a hard one for me to read. I guess my whole life, I've had difficulty accepting bad things. This has definitely been the most devastating thing that's ever happened so I'm really struggling with it. I've been through all the stages of grief (accept the acceptance) but seem to be stuck in the depression/despair one. I know I need to move on but until I learn to 'see' better, it'll be difficult.
Thank you again for your kind reply, thank you so much, also for the prayers. I'm a firm believer in the power of prayer.
Brenda