Argument with my friend
I haven't been able to post for a while but something has just happened this lunchtime that I need to talk to someone about/need to get it out!
I previously posted about my friend and her boyfriend. I was quite close to her for a while and then she started seeing one of the guys we know - he's actually a friend of my boyfriend, although they're not close anymore really.
Anyway she knows how I feel about him - I don't like the guy but only because of the way he speaks to myself and my boyfriend and the way he treats others - if he's different with her then I'm happy for her. But she can't expect me to want to spend time with someone who sits there behaving in the disrespectful way he does.
Anyway it's more of less driven a wedge between us now. I have put everything aside and invited them round for dinner - both of them - yet she won't accept as she says that I hate him. She's basically playing the victim. I have never said I hate him and surely if I'm prepared to put this aside to invitehim into our home - which neither of us are happy about doing - then that says something.
I feel I have taken the mature approach and that she seems miles behind, still acting like a child. I don't mean to say that I feel I am better than her or anything but I'm not really sure what to do next?! She says I don't make the effort in our relationship or anything but I don't remember the last time she invited me to meet up with her. I invite her to come when I meet up with mutual friends and she is always excuses herself through illness/seeing family or just says she can't make it.
I feel like I'm the bad guy here - I've never been very good at taking criticism and thinking that people dislike me. I genuinely don't think I have done anything wrong - ok we separated ourself off from their group but the only reason we did that was because of the way this guy behaves towards us - and others. He sits there calling people names/criticising everyone/having to be right, and is just generally unpleasant/unkind. And in particular he comments on money - if we say we're saving money so don't want to do something in particular he'll start calling us names and saying we have loads of money etc (which is not true, although we do earn more than him). He would say this is a joke or banter but it seems quite serious at the time and can be quite upsetting.
And the other thing is both my boyfriend and I think the same about him and if anything he gets angrier as he's the one that still speaks to him sometimes. Yet I'm the bad guy and no-one ever has a go at me.
It seems to me she has chosen him over her friendship with me, when I never ever asked her to make a choice and would never dream of doing so. Anyone else would be incredibly ashamed of having a boyfriend that spoke to people in that way but not her........she just blames me for thinking him unpleasant.
Sorry to go on but I needed to get it out.
Yikes! Let her go, let him go, let them all go! You have made more than your share of effort, now just sit back and wait for the universe to unfold it's interesting plan. She'll come back around, she might just need some time. As for the dunce, he'll get what he needs in his own time. In the meantime, make a visable effort to accentuate his positives (however few there may be), this will encourage your girlfriend to see the negatives on her own. Good luck, I pray for your strength and tolerance!
I second that!!!!
its hard to let go of good friends. you have to satisfy yourself that you did all you could before you can let go of it.
is there anything else you feel at this stage you could do?
I can understand how you feel, but how good a friend is she really to you - woul dyour life be missing such a vital component if you gave her space and backed off her friendship while her romance blossoms with this guy.
She is definitely playing the victim and some people get off on this, but not at the sake of your sanity.
Friends come and go and there are times when friends have served their purpose, and we need to let them go, you seem to be acting the bigger person and you have to be respected for trying when this other guy seems to be so disrespectful to you and your boyfriend.
Look hard and fast at the relationship and maybe start giving her enough space,
Sorry to hear you've been having trouble with this friend.
Let me get this right - she's refused your kind invitation to dinner because she says you've said you hate her boyfriend? That's absolutely barmy! What a silly little girl. I get the feeling that she may well be lashing out at people because she does know what this guy is really like and is embarrassed or ashamed. I think we've all had a unpleasant boyfriend or girlfriend at some time - our friends and family can see it, we know it in our hearts but it takes a while before we're ready to admit it.
Having been in a very similar situation, all I can say is you need to put yourself first. If she doesn't want to spend time with you, fine. You have your own life to lead. This girl has got you in knots and I personally don't think she's much of a friend to you right now.There seems to be a bit of energy vampirism going on too, so remember to ground and protect yourself. Are you a reiki person? If so and you haven't already,sendsome reiki tothis situation with your friend, for the greatest and highest good of all. I do this when I have something/someone really bothering me and I know I've done everything else I can.
"To thine own self be true".
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