My boyfriend fell in love with me when I had another boyfriend 3 years back. I used to block him and pass indirect messages to him that he is not important, and worthless. Time passed and we became good friends, now we're in a serious relationship since almost a year. I'm 29 years old, and he is 30 years old. He has left his town , family and friends 4 years back for work. He feels completely out of place and all alone, we live in the same town now -seperate places- that has mostly rude people. No good people are around to boost his spirits, he keeps on getting wounded by people. He's been a sad person ever since he came to this town, but since 3 years he has been depressed, he was overdosed 2.5 years back and taken to hospital for a stomach wash. His workplace was a total mess, his boss was ignoring him all the time, shouting at him, making him feel worthless and unimportant. He believes that now, life continuously -through me, his relatives, and through work- gave him messages that he is not important. Now he believes that, he tells me he is not a human being, he is nothing, he is dead, he doesn't deserve to be happy. I know he is going through a lot of pain, but I just don't know what to do. I try to take him out jogging, going to movies, taking a ride, whenever we could (minimum once a week), but this just doesn't seem enuff to give him enuff energy to go on or to hold on to something. I am so worried about him, he is such a nice person, but I don't know how to help him. When we are out, sometimes he jokes and laughs, but the next moment he can just go sad again. He has feelings of revenge, he constantly tells me he will hurt people from now on, and will revenge from all people. I tell him how important, special and unique he is for me, he tells me he doesn't know. The worst part is that I offered to him to go to a psychiatrist, I even found a doctor to go to, I just need a green light from him to go ahead, but he tells me he won't go and see a doctor. Since six months he's been telling me he wants to die, and that if I really loved him I had to pray to God to take his soul. I am so much worried about him, and want to take him out of this hell. Please advice. What should I do?


My boyfriend has just been made redundant from work. He's in this town with a work permit, and since he left job, he can be deported from the town. He is constantly talking about dying and killing himself. I am so worried that if he is sent back to his home country it will make his case worse. I am worried he's suicidal! What do I do?


We are very close friends and lovers now for the past one year and half, and I am being very understanding, caring, loving and supportive. I always listen to him, I take him to walks, movies and try to do everything to boost his spirits. When he was very sick a month back, I went to his place, made soup for him, prepared fruit salad and I stayed there all day, right next to him holding him for three days. I never save any effort to express my love to him, I listen to him, I ask him how he feels all the time. I do all what I can to make him feel loved again, special and an adorable human being. A week back I set an appointment at the psychiatrist and went there myself because he didn't want to join me. I sat with the psychiatrist and talked about his case without any details. I got the test from him and now waiting for the right time to share it with my bf.

Now, If you want to be constructive and help this person, tell me what should I do to ease his pain?


You must report to authorities that he is threatening to hurt himself and others. You do not know if he could turn on you. This is out of love for him. If he were to hurt someone badly he could spend his life in prison, and he could be haunted by the guilt so bad that he would take his own life anyway. I urge you to seek help from local authorities, immediately! Those threats will be taken seriously. If not, there are agencies that will help you. I know from experience, that doctors are required to notify authorities if someone is at risk of hurting others. Please, I urge you for your safety and his, that you call the police and ask them for direction. He will thank you later, In a good program they will help him to make a plan for his future and that may require moving back to a familiar setting, I don't know. You can not let this go on any longer. You are in danger. He is in danger. The public is in danger. It is not wrong for you to do this, it is a loving thing to do. You care about him and want him safe.
I wish you the best and I pray you will find some kind of help in my words.


I was out of town, just checked your reply akiel. Thank you very much for the thoughtful suggestions you made. When I was out of town he was all alone. For my surprise when I came back, I found him somehow much better, he has some positive looks to life, thinking about plans and objectives. He even started to make decisions about job offers he is getting. I know depression is a very destructive illness that controls the patients. If that is the case how come he did a noticable progress in one week. He has the feelings of depression now, but much less than before. He stopped talking about death and pain. He is enjoying some activies like going out with me, walking, he even wanted to take me to movies. I am amazed with this miraclous change. However I'm scared he is pushing himself hard and that he would collapse and give up to depression again soon. I know I have to go to authorities, however the place where we're living has no agencies who could provide assistance, the only thing I can do is to go to a psychotherapist, however I did that but went there alone to seek help, because he wouldn't agree to go to see a doc.

Things changed, is this change a fake one or it's real?


only time has the answer to that question


I too suffered from debilitaing depression for years. When someone talks about suicide you have no choice but to take it seriously. You cannot take a wait and see attitude. It is good that he seems to feel better but that may only be temporary. If if give you any sign that he is falling back into a depression be on guard. It is good that you care about his welfare but you must also realize he has to take the step to get help. Do a little research and find out what programs are offered in your area. It is amazing how many people are unaware of the help that is out there. I now from exerience that help is available but the person needing the help has to want to get it. Having said that, if he talks about hurting himself you have an obligation to notify the authorities. Strange as it may sound, it is against the law to harm or kill yourself. The authorities will make sure he goes to a hopsital and be seen by a qualified professional. Beyond that all I can say is good luck.


Yes. And time has come already so soon. Yesterday he was on his first day at a new job he was hired for. I don't know what happened there, in the afternoon after coming back home he was totally depressed. I guess he is hurting from what people are doing all the time. I am so much worried and sad. I talked to him just now, and he told me he wanted to sleep all day...


I am sorry to hear he is having a difficult time. Try to at least contact him daily. Let him know you are there for him. If he give any indication of hurting himself you must take action immediately. However, if he does harm himself you must believe me when I say it is not your fault. Situations like this are diffiult. You never know if your are doing enough or if what you are doing is making the situation worse. Don't second guess yourself. You are his friend and you care about him. I know from experience that depression goes beyond friendship. It is a terrible affliction that does it's best to take you down. I hope somehow you can convince him to seek help on his own. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of but in today's sociaty it is still fround upon. He is not crazy and his problem could be as simple as a chemical imbalance. You can only do so much but I admire your concern and desire to help him. He truly has a friend in you. Please let me know how he is doing. I also am concerned about how this is affecting you. Please keep in touch.